then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
