Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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