When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
