My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
