I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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