roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
