Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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