I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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