It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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