i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
