4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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