I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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