I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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