You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
try to milk me bitch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
