Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
