No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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