dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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