can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
