my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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