Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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