Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
