Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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