Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
