My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
