Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
