i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
