I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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