I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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