no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
