i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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