My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
