i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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