Ketchup is God's man juice
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
