Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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