Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
