i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
