What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
