The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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