Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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