I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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