I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
