Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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