for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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