While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
