I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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