i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
