sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to have your abortion
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
