got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
