well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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