I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
