you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
